Entry: Captain Kangaroo's Brave New World Jan 23, 2004



I heard the news today that Captain Kangaroo is no more.

I'm starting this wild rumor that NASA has plans to put his body into a casket shaped capsule and fire it off to MARS.

NASA's hope is that in some bizarre way, maybe Captain Kangaroo's spirit will help the "Spirit" rover craft recover from it's critical malfunctions so it can continue it's reconnaissance of MARS.

Of course this makes sense; since he was a Captain, his spirit is therefore qualified to assume the mantle of command over the vessel. 

The rumor spins out of control purporting that this plan has gone awry.  Apparently Captain Kangaroo's hair merged with some rogue bacteria on the red planet, and a vast population of children's tv show entertainers in the form of sponge shaped creatures with dutch-boy haircuts has rapidly spread across MARS.

The Captain Spongeroos are difficult to spot against the red soil backdrop of MARS because they are all decked out in those fashionable red blazers.  The result is a chameleon like camouflage that allows the Spongeroo population to thrive unabated. 

The Europeans are the first to identify the malcreation, capturing images of the Captain Spongeroo population with the advanced optics aboard their orbiting space craft. 

The population of Captain Spongeroos becomes beligerent and fires "Mr. Bunny Rabbits Of Mass Destruction" at any craft that attempts to take their picture or ask for an autograph.

Eventually their reign over MARS will have to be stopped by a massive invasion of an amry of genetic clones of Mr Rogers.

George Lucas aquires the license for the entire rumor, and creates a series of movies entitled, "MARS WARS - BATTLE OF THE CHEAP COLONGES", in which the army of Mr. Rogers clones defeats the red clad Captain Spongeroo population with special space rifles that shoot massive blasts of Aqua Velva aftershave.




  

 

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